Shootin the shit with: Grant

Grant currently holds the points lead of the Chiva Knievel Dirtbike Championship. I figured some of ya’ll might have the same burning questions that I do as to just what makes a motherfucker so rad tick. Well, luckily for you I typed him up these questions and he typed me back some answers. Read on…

HoLeeFok: Obviously since you are leading a championship as prestigious and gnarly as the CKDC you’ve got some mad skills on the bike. How old were you when you got your first bike and what kind was it?

Grant: I was 15 when I bought an early 70’s Yamaha 125 enduro from one of my high school art teachers. It had the crappiest tires, an absolute top speed of 55 mph, smoked like a brush fire, and I knew it was time to fill the auto-lube oil tank whenever the plug stopped fouling. My dad hated it when I came home from my part time job at Kmart late at night and circled the back yard to park it. YIIING ding dingadingading!

HLF: How long after that was your first race and where?

Grant: Must have been in ’82, a couple of friends and I were doing incredibly stupid stuff on the streets of Fayetteville, NC. We were introduced to a guy who was roadracing in the WERA organization, and we went to a race to watch. I think it was at Charlotte motor speedway. The roadracing was so cool, we all decided we had to do it too. My first race would have been at the Roebling Road race course near Bloomingdale, Georgia, on a ’79 Yamaha RD400F Daytona Special. I love the smell of pre-mix in the morning… smells like race day.

HLF: Any major injuries in your race career prior to “turning pro” with the CKDC?

Grant: Well, since I personally define “major injury” as something that involves a hospital stay, and if we are limiting this to my race career, I’d have to say no. There was this time in Venezuela, though. I was leading the Baja-chipotle 6000 and made a wrong turn, jumped the Panama Canal, busted out all the spokes in the front and ended up losing it over a cliff into the Pacific. Yeah. I died that time.

HLF: What do you feel are your strengths and weaknesses as a racer?

Grant: Alright, this isn’t a job interview, and me talking about my “strengths and weaknesses as a racer” would either be stupidly ego-trippy or a bad idea from a race strategy standpoint… but I see you are asking about feelings, and that’s just a little gay…(not that there’s anything wrong with that).

HLF: What do you do to bring home the bacon?

Grant: No one really knows. It’s a mystery, I guess. Like who built Stonehenge, or something.

HLF: Favorite music/band?

Grant: Gotta be rock and roll. Too many good bands to have a favorite.

HLF: Turn ons/turn offs?

Grant: Tacky dirt and cool weather/worn out sprockets and clogged fuel filters.

HLF: The first round of the CKDC was held at Chicken Creek and was a really good time. There was some great racing and at times it resembled a bit of a roller derby. How do you feel about your performance at round 1?

Grant: Well, my race strategy of riding smooth, sizing up the competition and preparing to strike like a cobra wasn’t terribly effective against a bunch of caffeine, adrenaline and testosterone-hyped guys who had the race strategy of a burning barrel full of rabid, meth-crazed mongooses, (mongeese? mongeeses?). Well, live and learn, right? Besides, no one knows who won the second moto. Seriously. I mean, ten laps? Really? I lost count. I think it was more like twenty three and two thirds. Which just lets you know that it was a really good time, or maybe there were some folks who just couldn’t let it go, you know?

HLF: The second round was to be the supermoto at Gold Rush 09 but we all know what a bust that was. You were the only one with the balls to step up and race while all of the other ladies had one excuse or another. This really showed how core you are while showing everyone else, present company included, that they needed to toughen up their manginas. This display of testosterone earned you a giant points lead. What’s your take on the on your brethren’s lack of sack and did you enjoy the event?

Grant: I was really looking forward to the supermoto round, and seeing just what the competition had when it came to scratching on the asphalt. Especially with their knobby tires. While I was disappointed that I was the only one from the CKDC in the lineup, there were several lunatics on KLX 110s that were set up with grooved roadracing slicks who were worthy opponents. The supermoto track layout was a blast, with a couple of spots that were great for seeing just how big your balls were. It was a huge rush. Save your pennies now, kiddies. It will be November before you know it.

HLF: Do you do any specific training, physical or mental, for the CKDC?

Grant: The shaolin masters have sworn me to secrecy on this, so, no comment, grasshopper.

HLF: What is one event (ie: motorcycling discipline) that you would like to see added to the series soon?

Grant: No brainer. Obviously, the second gear oval and TT on the east side. Of course, once the bus is properly equipped, I fully expect there will be a karaoke round, and if anybody expects to get any bonus points in the Halloween costume round, they’d better start planning now.

HLF: The CKDC is known to have a “no blue flag” rule. This means that no matter if you are being lapped or not you have the right, and are expected, to defend your position. How do you feel about this?

Grant: Oh, hell yeah. There is no such thing as a “back-marker” in the CKDC. Being fast is great, but if you can stick your elbows way out there, that is a big advantage. This ain’t ballroom dancing.

HLF: In closing we’re gonna do a little “word association” here. I’m gonna drop the names of your current competitors and I want you to sum them up in 1 word.

Bobby:
Brian:
Buddy:
Mike:
Eddie:
Steve:
The Jackalope: whut?

Grant: Dude, I can’t believe you did that to me. You know I can’t remember names to save my ass. I’m not here to do real-life “facebook”, I’m here to ride! RIDE! *RIDE!!!* AH-HA HA HA HAHAHA! (uh, Bobby is the mailman, right? And was it Eddie or Mike who t-boned me in round 1 moto 2? Shit, there’s my greatest weakness as a racer: I wouldn’t be able to remember my sponsors!)

HLF: Parting words/quote?

Grant:
Float like a jellyfish; sting like a... um, jellyfish?
Float like a turd; sting like a hemorrhoid?
Float like a fairy; sting like a bitch-slap?
That which does not kill you almost certainly will kill your wallet.
To finish first you must first pass evry dam one of those sumbiches ahead of ya, one way or t’other. No shit.

So there it is. That’s the guy that the rest of us are currently chasing. A man with the balls to shun the almighty Jackalope. Not a smart move in my book. We’ll soon see if his strategy of laying low and striking like a cobra can maintain the points lead or if the “barrel of burning mongeese” can catch up.